A Curious Army Wife

I joined this crazy tribe when I married into the Indian Army

Archive for the tag “Indian army officer”

Watchout for these signs if your husband is preparing for Staff exam

1. The staff college exam aka the exam for the DSSC course in Wellington (Tamil Nadu wala, not the New Zealand wala) is held in the first 10-15 days of September every year. ‘Animated discussion’ about preparing for it starts three years before that.

2. An officer gets three attempts to crack the staff college exam. The number of books, presentations, notes and precis in a single year are enough to occupy one entire freaking room.

3. The level of concentration, on a scale of 1-10, is approximately 34556. An officer gives his whole and soul when it’s time for him to study for this exam. They should all be given AVEEPSM — Ati Vichitra Ekagrata Evam Parishram Seva Medal.

4. An officer generally gets anything between 3 months to 3 days off from work to study for this prestigious exam. This preparation leave is extremely important and in many cases affects the result. 

5. No matter what, the preparation leave that an officer’s CO gives is never never never enough. 

6. This preparation leave is responsible for a significant increase in the body weight of the officer. Metabolism gets fucked royally, because there is no PT in the morning and no Games in the evening. All he has to do, is sit and study. Even breathing adds a kilo or two to the overall get-up.

7. Beard, unkempt hair, and wearing the same set of clothes for at least 5 days are signs that an officer is preparing for Staff. 

8. “Be***ch*d ye kya ch****apa hai sala. Iss umar me itna kaun padhta hai” is a patent dialogue of all Staff aspirants who are mostly over-30.

9. A staff-affected family (meaning a happy family that is no longer happy because the husband is preparing for Staff) will not waste even a day in holidaying, because it will be used for staff preparation. So an entire year goes by in which all the leaves get utilised for padhai.

10. It is extremely difficult to make relatives understand why your husband is not coming for a function or visiting them. This is specially true if the officer chooses to stay at home for preparation (as opposed to running away to Mhow, Pune, Deolali etc). 

11. No one can explain the excruciating pain that an officer goes through when he has to let go of an important football or cricket match on TV. I’ll say a silent prayer for those preparing in the year of World Cups. 

12. Movies? Shut up. 

13. As the date of exam approaches, the officer will start worrying less about the exam and more about the uniform he has to wear to the exam centre. Why? Refer to Point No.6.

14. The last 7 days of preparation are quite surreal… Pata hi nahin chalta ki padhai karein, ki aane wale free time ki planning karein. Officers get distracted so much, that they would plan vacations, shop online for some gadget, or think about partying — everything that is on their to-do list once the exam gets over. This is a syndrome that many of you experienced during your exams in school or college.

15. The day it all gets over, you will find the officer happily passed out in the mess or at some bar or at some friend’s place. Or at home….it doesn’t matter where the ‘passing out’ takes place!

16. And what’s the worse that can happen after this grueling staff exam agani pariksha? “Sir jaldi paltan aa jao, aap agale Adjutant ho.

An Army wife’s guide to surviving the first NDA visit

Sudan Block (NDA) in 2008. Photo by Major Sa'ab.

Sudan Block (NDA) in 2008. Photo by Major Sa’ab.

I don’t know what is it about taking the love of your life to NDA for the first time that gets all Army officers super-senti. It’s a big deal for them. Which is really surprising as very few things come in that category — the big deal category.

But it is going to happen some day. The sooner, the better.

The National Defence Academy in Khadakwasla (Pune) is that place where thousands and thousands of officers of the Indian Armed Forces have spent their most crucial years of life. So when you were out with your college friends eating samosa or bunking a class to watch a movie with your crush — they were in NDA, in an ALL-BOYS academy, dreaming of what it is like to be normal!

When they finally do manage to get a girlfriend/fiance/wife (whichever comes earliest), they will make it a point to take them to NDA to show them the place where ‘boys became men’.

I will not go into what happens at NDA and why it’s where the foundation of a good officer is laid and blah blah. You will get to hear all that from an enthusiastic Colonel at a party someday.

But I WILL tell you about all that you need to be prepared for when you visit the NDA for the first time.

When Major Sa’ab (my husband) took me there for the first time, we were just a couple of months into our relationship. I was working in Pune and he had come to visit me in the tiny mid-term break during his YOs.

He said, “Yaar, NDA jana hai ek baar.”

I said, “Ja naa…”

“You also come, I’ll give you a guided tour.”

To any other person, that would have sounded so tempting. Not to me, as I had visited NDA many times (professional hazard). I still agreed to go.

One thing is for sure, visiting the NDA with an officer who knows his way around the academy is a novelty. It feels good. And Major Sa’ab also lost no chance to say that this visit seems special. Back then, I thought he was saying that just to impress me. Until I met many Army wives (years later) who told me about their special trip to NDA. (See, I told you, it’s a big deal for these men.)

A typical tour generally starts with ye Sudan block hai, ye Habibullah Hall hai, ye drill square, ye swimming pool, ye NDA mess etc. Which is a lot to take in, specially for us civilian girls.

Photo by Major Sa'ab.

Photo by Major Sa’ab.

Almost every lane, ground, field, building — any place where humans can possibly tread — was used for punishments during their days as cadets. Major Sa’ab seemed to feature in an awful lot of those.

He pointed towards austere gray buildings that had alphabets written on it. He pointed to one such building (which looked like a copy of the next one) and said,”That’s my squadron.”

“You were in K squadron!”

“No! I was in Kilo squadron.”

Oh! It’s not ABC here, it’s Apha Bravo Charlie! So not K, but Kilo. Mental note to self.

“That was my room in the first two terms,” Major Sa’ab suddenly became Raju guide and pointed towards one tiny window of the Kilo Squadron. We were doing this while standing outside as it would have been inappropriate for a woman to enter the cadet’s buildings without prior notice (for obvious reasons).

And the mini-monologue started off…

“That window next to me was my best bud’s room. We used to share Maggi at night after lights out. Then that corner room was occupied by a very psycho/saddist senior. Made our life hell. In the third term, I moved to that other room. At the end of the corridor we had the common bathrooms that have partitions but no doors… where we were supposed to clear SSB (shit, shave, brush) before the seniors woke up in the morning. When I was a sixth termer, I chose that cozy little room where I would play loud music…”

And all I heard in that little speech was the bathroom thingy! NO DOORS? Is it even legal!

He then took me to the juice bar to introduce me to the maushi, who promptly recognised him! She was the lady who ran the shop and a fairy godmother for all cadets. Just at that moment, a group of 8-9 cadets came and greeted Major Sa’ab! They were the current sixth termers, who were first termers when Major Sa’ab was a sixth termer. It’s complicated.

More so, because they all looked EXACTLY the same to me. White t-shirts and shorts, lean, extra-small crew cut and skin that had enough sun for another decade. They all looked like clones to me.

“Banana shake for everyone. Maushi…!” Major Sa’ab got the cadets excited at the prospect of having free banana shake. We all sat there for a good 20 minutes (seemed like 3-4 hours) in which they all talked about ‘Academy stuff’. That was one conversation in which I could contribute in no way. So I just sat and switched off.

After the cadets left, we went to the Gol market. “That’s Kapoor’s shop right there. Itna loota hai usne hamein! You see that shop… that is Hamsa, where we used to eat paratha bhurji and chicken lollypops. He used to say ‘Garam nai hai, fresh hai’ for every item he sold. Hahaha…”

Hanss le beta. Little did Major Sa’ab know that he is going to hear the “Garam nai hai, fresh hai” dialogue every third day from his wife.

But a truly emotional moment for us came when we went pass the lawns where the NDA Ball was held years ago, where I was Major Sa’ab’s ball partner.

So that concludes the first part of the NDA darshan for me. Subsequent visits had greater details coming in from my Raju guide, with which I won’t bore you.

One of our friends came to the NDA after taking a detour from their honeymoon, where the guy in question got an earful on what constitutes as a romantic visit and what doesn’t.

Well, to be fair, the NDA is the place where every man’s romance with fauj starts, right?


FAQ No.2: Leaving my job behind

Okay everyone! Help her out. We’ve all faced this problem sometime. FAQ 2

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