Got a mail from this young girl who is going through what every ‘working woman married to a fauji’ goes through!
Your advice can make her life easier… so help out please!
Have a look at what some helpful women had to say when I posted this in a Facebook group.
8 thoughts on “FAQ No.3 Am I wasting my time?”
Hey, if you feel you and your fauji can survive the long distant relationship then go for it… to be very frank starting few years( period of 36 months) will be the most difficult periods of your relAtionship as training will be in mussorie and then delhi. neverthless you will be then into attachments with different government bodies and tours both in India and abroad. Are you sure he will be ready for it?
Your man will get so little time in peace posting and if you are not available at that time also then i dont feel it is justice to your relation… rest your wish… 🙂
Thank you for taking time out to address her issue! 🙂
You have a dream and why not fulfil it. It got to be done in this life. So, I feel you must go all out and give a try.
We got married in 1989 and Marina, my wife had completed third year at her Pharmacy degree at Gulbarga, Karnataka. I was undergoing Long Gunnery Staff Course (LGSC) for an year at Devlali. She always came over to Devlali, travelling in trains without reservations whenever she could manage a few days off. That used to be a monthly affair and I think the entire course knew when she came over as I managed to skip classes on those days.
In those days there were no cell phones and mind you no STD facilities too in Devlali. One had to wait past 9 PM (the rates came down to a quarter, else it was expensive to make a long distance call then). Whenever I thought I missed her, I used to sit outside the Telephone office, next to the railway station, book a call to the ladies hostel at Gulgarga and wait for the call to materialise. It used to take an hour for sure and the wait many a times seemed much longer, especially with the mosquitoes buzzing into the ears; their bites I did not mind (they too had to live), but never their music. At times there were some Young Officer trying to call up his girl friend/ fiancé or another officer missing his wife who had gone home for a few days, may be for a marriage in the family or to look up her parents.
After completing her B Pharm degree, we got into ‘family’ life and Marina enjoyed the army wife’s life for a few years. Once the initial fun was over after getting too used to all the typical Fauji Wife’s normal cribs, she got really fed up of it. She found most senior officers’ ladies real dumb and had no interests other than making a career for their husbands.
One day she had it all and said “What use is my B harm Degree, for which I slogged for four years?” That it, after eight years of marriage and fauji life, she decided to leave me and move to Delhi and try her hand at a business. The business, a joint venture with another Fauji lady, did not go the way Marina wanted and hence she applied for immigration to Canada.
She left the business to her partner and joined a Pharmacy College to teach. The main aim was to get back to the subject proper, which she had left off eight years ago. That was when I got posted to Delhi.
She got the books for the licensing exam for a Pharmacist in Canada from her sister who lives in the US. She sat down with it and slogged her way out. She got her Canadian Visa as a permanent resident and at that time in 2002, I was posted overnight to take over command in the field for Parakram.
A decision was made – children off to my parents in Kerala (Son in LKG and daughter in Grade 5), myself to Rajasthan and Marina to Canada, that too in February when the winter is at its worst in Canada. There was no other option and it had to happen and we had to live with it. After the deployment, the unit returned to Devlali and I became a single parent CO as our children joined me.
On landing in Canada, Marina worked eight hours a day and studied 10 hours a day and in a year cleared all the licencing exams in one go. There are two written and a practical examination to be cleared and only about 5% of international pharmacy students clear it.
After two years of her landing in Canada, she obtained her license as a pharmacist after completing her studentship (4 months) and internship (6 months). The children joined her – Son in Grade 1 and our Daughter in Grade 7. I hung my boots after six months of the children settling in Canada and I too moved into Canada in Sep 2004.
At that time I asked Marina as to how she managed to pass all her licensing exams in an year when most people take a minimum of there years and many up to six. She said it was all hard work as she wanted to get me and children as fast as possible into Canada. Coming alone made her to put in that extra hours. Further, as she was a Fauji Wife, she never worked as a pharmacist in India and hence did not learn the ‘wrong’ things. She started her studies as if she had not even done her B Pharm and hence could clear all the exams in one go.
So, you can do it and you must do it. Get on with your preparations in full earnest. Do not worry about what others will say. Many said Marina had left the husband and kids and shot off to Canada, only to make money.
All the best for your exams
Wow! What an inspiring story. Respect for your wife who had to take the difficult decision. She is truly lucky that she had a husband like you to support her.
And yes, I agree with you, give your dream a shot because nobody knows what will happen tomorrow (especially when husband is a fauji). No point skirting around the topic, there is no guarantee of life and career in fauj.
This is exactly what I told the girl who asked me this question. Appear for the exam, work for as many years as you can before getting married, and hope that the future has something great in store for you.
Thank you Anamika. Here are few of my takes on dreams. http://rejinces.net/2014/08/14/dreams-aims-and-goals/
Our son Nikhil is nurturing a great dream. During his Commencement at high school, Ms Pils, his French teacher introduced him. Please listen to her speech http://rejinces.net/2015/10/26/nikhils-commencement/.
That is how most teachers in Canada support and nurture their students dreams. We see that most teachers are real ‘Dream Crushers’ and would often end up ridiculing a child having such dreams.
So, dream King Size. No one can stop you from it as it is in your mind. I remember speaking to our troops during a year long operational deployment “In case you sleep in your combat dress, you will only have a combat dream: in case you sleep in a colourful clothes, you will most likely have a colourful dream”.
All the best
Hello Girl, Just go for it! If you are not happy, you cannot keep anyone happy.
My husband is in the Army and hold a rank of Brigadier but I chose to stay away, follow my dreams and give my son a great schooling. I travel overseas often and be onsite for one, sometimes even two months. My husband has been extremely supportive and if ‘the love of your life’ is not ‘ready’ to support you in pursuing your dreams then the relationship is not even worth it! Yes, it’s a huge sacrifice for both of you to have a long distance relationship but it’s worth it, and if both of you are professionally competent and come from two different professions there’s loads to share and talk about apart from the regular ‘Fauji’ stuff! Believe me, I haven’t attended an Awwa or a ladies meet in last 17 years and I haven’t missed much! 😉 So all the best and fly high!
Completely agree with you! I too told the young girl to go ahead and pursue her dream career. In case the relationship doesn’t work out, she should not feel like having wasted her life over it. In if they do end up together, then she can make the decision based on whatever the scenario is at that moment.
No point regretting later….
She can also marry a little late (if that is possible), so that she can at least get a taste of what her career has in store for her.
I would say follow your dreams if they mean really important to you. Only you can judge the degree of regret you can have if you don’t pursue. I would suggest don’t leave room for regrets in life. I am married in the same olive green community and have been pursuing my career in corporate law continuously for the past 7 years without any break. For me it has been a gr8 journey however there is separation. I would say if ur happy with your life only then you can spread happiness. If ur work means so much to you that it can hamper your personality if not there then go for it. Otherwise u may choose to give it up coz the road is not easy and hardships ( separation , handling stuff alone etc ) are not everybody’s cup of tea. You will have to judge yourself to get an answer. In the end I can acknowledge that if you forego ur dreams now you may ensure somewhat ( only somewhat as the army itself has its nuances) settled life. However you will deal with only one persons’a career (postings , leaves, career growth etc)interfering in your lives. Take a true call.